Is Pillow Talk Same As Talking Dirty?

Sexy talk

Pillow talk vs. dirty talk 

While talking nasty during foreplay and intercourse might enhance the experience and allow you to spend more time with your spouse, it is not the same as pillow chat. Pillow chat is more intimate and sensitive emotionally.

When you and your spouse are relaxed and comfortable, pillow chat is most likely to occur before or after sex. Pillow talk, according to sources, focuses on nice and uplifting dialogue that brings people closer together. 

It's all about improving emotional connection and providing a safe atmosphere, both of which can help with sex. Sex becomes more loving and better in general when both parties feel emotionally safe, accepted, and connected. Pillow conversation does not occur during sex, despite the fact that it can be sensual or based on sexuality

Talking nasty is only for the purpose of enhancing sexual activity, and it is frequently more explicit, sexually charged, and thrilling. If and when both lovers are comfortable and excited by it, vulgar talk can enhance the act of sex. 

What is the value of pillow chat in your relationship? 

If your sex life has been lacking recently, you may be thinking if pillow talk might help you increase your bedroom activities. Yes! 

Pillow discussion encourages both partners to let down their defences and feel closer, bringing in more love for each other and for themselves. 

Because most pillow talk occurs when you're lying down, relaxed, and hugging, oxytocin (trusted source) , the bonding love hormone, is likely to rise. This hormone makes two people feel very close and linked, and it aids in the development of feelings of love. 

Pillow chat, in the end, helps to keep a relationship stable. It can serve as a link between casual sex and falling in love, because our emotional connection is ultimately what keeps a couple together and in love. 

But it's not only the pre-sex pillow talk that makes a relationship better: what you do and say afterward is just as important, if not more important. Snuggling, talking, and touching, according to a study, all contribute to enhanced sex and a higher rate of relationship satisfaction. 

Pillow talk examples 

Still have questions about what pillow conversation entails? Our experts offer the following scenarios that both you and your partner can use as a jumping off point: 

  • discussing the traits that you admire in one another 
  • Dreams for the future, travel and adventure, and activities you wish to try as a pair are all topics to discuss. 
  • reminiscing about great occasions, such as when you first fell in love 
  • We're talking about fears that need to be soothed. 
  • reaffirming your love for one another 
  • exhibiting good attributes and actions that make your lover feel safe and secure. 
  • appreciating the significance of events from your past 

What should you do first? 

Couples must occasionally plan for such things in order to get started. As a couple counsellor, we frequently recommend a 10-minute prepared session during which you cannot discuss your relationship, your career, your friends (or their relationships), your children, other family members, politics, social networks, or anything else. 


This is a good moment to reflect on who you used to be as a partnership and figure out what moved, fueled, and inspired you. 

Although intimacy might be frightening for some people, especially in the early stages of a relationship, it is the most critical factor in sustaining long-term relationships. You may help by performing actions: 


  • touch 
  • look each other in the eyes 
  • hug 
  • laugh 
  • reassurance to the other 

Other approaches to feeling close 

  • Even though pillow chat may do wonders for a relationship, having extra tools to fan the flame is also a smart idea. 
  • Increase the amount of time you spend touching each other. Couples should engage in more physical communication. When you make a conscious effort to touch your spouse, you can trigger emotional security and open yourself up to more vulnerability. 
  • There are no electrical gadgets allowed in the bed. Our love lives aren't being helped by smartphones and the opportunity to stream live 24 hours a day. Why not grab your lover instead of going to bed with your phone for entertainment? 
  • Massages are also enjoyable. Couples massage, according to experts, is an excellent way to bring you closer together. 
  • Hands in the air. Simply holding hands can make a significant difference in the outcome about each other. 
  • Getting your needs across. Spending time discussing what you like or want to try sexually as a couple might help you feel closer. Listening to our spouses and attempting new things outside of the bedroom are examples of this. 
  • Sharing your thoughts and feelings. The ultimate manifestation of emotional closeness is creating a secure environment for you and your spouse to express emotions. 


Showing commitment to spend a lot more time with your partner engaging in pillow talk can help strengthen your relationship, bring you closer together, and create an environment that fosters intimacy. You may also perform it as a group, but the more you practise it, the simpler it will get. 

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