In a country like India where we are all hush-hush about sex and sexual education, we sure do have a lot of sex! The proof? India has the highest birth rate in the world. But we also have one of the least educated culture around sexual health, sexual pleasure and sex in general.
One way to get past this is through communication! Let's take a look:
Should i talk to my (new) sexual partner about sex?
If you want to have great sex, you simply must tell your partner your needs and wants. There’s no way around communication. How else will you know how your partner wants to be touched or vice versa? Articulation is key. And hot!
Look at it this way, if you’ve a project or a task given to you by a boss or a teacher, you’d be able to do your best job if you have more details. The same applies to sex!
It’s also important to realise that not everyone is the same. If one of your sexual partners likes that one good move you have in bed, it might not even feel like anything for your new bed buddy! Communication helps avoid this awkward situation.
But… What do we talk about?
Gear up and strap in, baby. Because we’re talking about EVERYTHING! You need to stand on the same page with your partner(s). You need to talk about what sex means to you. How far you’re willing to go, your boundaries and your fetishes. Here are a few questions to get you started:
Communication in Sex
What does the sexual encounter between you mean to you?
Is this a relationship or casual carnal sinning?
Is this a monogamous/exclusive equation?
Do either of you have other sexual partners?
Once you’ve established the emotional standing of your sexual relation, its time to get to the STIs and diseases. Make sure you know when the last time either of you got screened for STDs and other sexually transmitted infections and the results of said tests. Healthy sex is great sex! Keep in mind that you should have this conversation in a safe space, before you get down and get it on. This ensures openness and a calmer, more relaxed conversation.
Ok. We’ve made you wait long enough. Let’s get to the fun stuff! Conversations like these are bound to take your sex life to the next level. Multiple orgasms, mile high libido, you name it.
How do you want to be touched?
Tell me how i can make you feel good?
Especially if you are into fetishes, kinks, bondage, BDSM, sex play, toys and other out of the box sex stuff, make sure you establish boundaries. Talk safe words, triggers, intensities and how far you’re willing to go with your fetishes. And make sure these boundaries and rules are respected by all parties
How do i talk about sex without making it awkward?
It can be fun! Its sex! How can it not be fun? Approach it with curiosity, playfulness and yet with caution and respect. You can just start with saying you’re trying to up your sex game and sex life.
Still can’t think of anything? We’ve got lines for you to rehearsE:
"Hey babe, lets have the best sex ever! What are your fantasies? What kind of sex do you like? What are your favorite positions and yous?’
Start with these topics, and work your way to the more serious stuff we previously talked about.
There’s also some really cool ‘yes, no or maybe’ quizzes about sex on the internet. They cover boundaries, fantasies and other fun sexy stuff. You and your partner can take these tests together and have fun with them. It’s a great bonding experience, too!
What should I avoid speaking about?
Ideally, you shouldn’t need to ask this question, but people have triggers. Some people have trauma associated with sex, some asexual people might not like the idea of discussing sex or penetrative sex. If you ever feel like something could be triggering or inappropriate, a simple ‘Can we talk about this’ can help you and your partner feel safer and more heard.
When is a good time to initiate the sex talk?
It’s probably not the best idea to start talking about it the second you know someone. But we recommend you definitely have ‘the talk’ before you do the deed for the first time. Have the talk before you ever walk the walk!
Is it ok to do this over the phone/text
It’s the 21st century, baby! IRL conversations can be overwhelming or awkward for some. But we have technology at our disposal. It is completely fine to have this talk over the phone. What's important is that all parties are comfortable and feel safe discussing sex.
But you will have to take these conversations to real life eventually, so lets just say you’re setting the mood through texting about it first.
Communication is key in all aspects of life. We do it all the time, so take it to the bedroom, too! We wish you the very best of orgasms and luck.