If you're like the majority of individuals, your high school sex education concentrated on preventing babies and STIs. And it's likely that it didn't even do that well. Most of us don't have nearly enough information when we reach adulthood to navigate our sexual lives in the way we need to. When I spent ten years marketing sex toys to adults, I learnt this personally. And I see that every day on Okay so, the app I operate, where we address sex-related issues from kids who aren't getting the answers they need, as well as grownups who have been ashamed for a long time.
The top ten things I believe every adult should know about sexuality in order to have the joyful, healthy sex life they deserve are listed below. You'll notice that these aren't your normal "things that will drive your lover insane" list; instead, they're the deeper qualities that we all need.
We make our way to the bedroom
Outside of who we are in the rest of our life, sex does not exist. Whether we're aware of it or not, we bring all of the messages we've gotten from our families, history, and culture into our sex lives. This creates expectations that our partner may not share, as well as shame, which can be difficult to let go of. We must spend time diving into those signals and learning to disrupt and distrust the negative ones if we are to genuinely understand ourselves and be present in our sex lives.
Sexuality is an adventure
When we've "finished" discovering our sexuality, there's no purpose in continuing. We can change who we like, what we like, and how we like it from day to day, month to month, or even across our lifetimes. This is very normal, and it is something we should celebrate in ourselves and our partners.
Our associates aren't mind readers
I understand that it appears to be a simple task, but I've seen far too many couples battle with it. We must use words to describe how we are feeling, what we enjoy, and what we require. Our collaborators are unable to resolve this issue on their own.. How do we have these sometimes-thorny discussions? There was a lot of open and honest discussion, as well as a willingness to be vulnerable and good listening.
Everyone is unique
"Which one is the best?" During my many years of selling sex toys, this was the most frequently asked question.. The truth is that there is no such thing as "best," only what is best for you. That is true for everything, not just sex toys. Everyone is different – what one person finds too rough, another finds too soft, and what one person dislikes, another enjoys. This is what makes sex enjoyable! We get to discover new things about ourselves and others.
No such thing as "excellent" sex exists
There is no one way to feel or act in order to be a good sex partner or have a successful sex life. To have good sex, there isn't a certain amount of sex you need to have (and most people don't have as much as you believe), a certain way you need to feel, or a certain trick you need to learn. It can be anything you want or require.
Pleasure is important
Both our partner's and our own pleasures are worthy of equal attention, care, and interest. If you're only interested in your own pleasure and not your partner's, or vice versa, if you're only interested in your partner's pleasure and not your own, it's important to consider why this is happening and what you can do about it.
Orgasms are wonderful, but they're not necessary
There is a lot of time, effort, and stress put into determining whether orgasms are occurring in a sexual relationship. While orgasms are enjoyable (to be sure), they should not be the exclusive "objective." Pleasure, intimacy, and connection are fantastic goals to pursue without the stress of climax. In fact, obsessing over orgasm can make it more difficult to accomplish. So put your focus on bonding first, and orgasms will follow if they happen.
The clit is the place to be
Important fact: In order to achieve orgasm, 75% of persons with clitoris will need to stimulate it. I've lost count of how many folks I've spoken with who were convinced that something was wrong with them because penetrative sex didn't feel great. On the other hand, the clitoris is the only organ in the human body that exists solely to provide pleasure. It's extraordinary because it has 8,000 nerve endings and extends back into the body.
Your penis is a good size
Did you know that the most often Googled sex inquiry is concerning penis size? Our culture has instilled in us the belief that larger penises are always more appealing, yet this is just not true. The vaginal and anus tissues are erectile and flexible. They don't need to be a certain size to feel full; instead, they extend to encompass whatever is piercing them. Is there anyone out there who appreciates their bellies being packed to the gills? Yes. Is there anyone else who finds this painful and unsettling? Yes, as well. So don't worry if you're average. Instead of believing that the size of your penis will provide your partner pleasure, focus on what actually brings them pleasure.
Sex toys are fantastic
Many people I've spoken with believe that sex toys are reserved for people who are experiencing "problems" or need to "spice things up." I'm here to tell you that using sex toys may be fun whether you're single or in a relationship. They can deliver stimulation that we can't get any other way; they can assist us in achieving orgasms in novel ways; they can alter how we enjoy pleasure with a partner... plus a whole lot more. So, if you've been under the impression that they're solely for "other people," discover more and see what piques your interest.